The Scientific Method – Richard Feynman, Cornell University, 1964
Devon Carlin of the National Center for Public Policy Research waves a “Honk if You Love Heartland” sign on February 24, 2012 at passing traffic on Pennsylvania Avenue NW in Washington DC.
Courtesy of The Emperor’s Channel on YouTube (via Jo Nova).
Heartland’s new Fakegate theme song is Garth Brooks’s “I’ve Got Friends in Low Places.” H/T to all the bloggers, think tank allies, and other friends in boots who helped us ruin Peter Gleick’s black tie affair. Next stop: the oasis, and who knows? Maybe that ivory tower he’s been living in.
Blame it all on my roots
I showed up in boots
And ruined your black tie affair
The last one to know
The last one to show
I was the last one you thought
You’d see there
And I saw the surprise
And the fear in his eyes
When I took his glass of champagne
And I toasted you
Said, honey, we
May be through
But you’ll never
Hear me complain
‘Cause I’ve got
Friends in low places
Where the whiskey drowns
And the beer chases
My blues away
And I’ll be okay
I’m not big on social graces
Think I’ll slip on down
To the oasis
Oh, I’ve got friends
In low places
Well, I guess I was wrong
I just don’t belong
But then, I’ve been there before
Everything’s all right
I’ll just say goodnight
And I’ll show Myself to the door
Hey, I didn’t mean
To cause a big scene
Just give me an hour and then
Well, I’ll be as high
As that ivory tower
That you’re livin’ in
‘Cause I’ve got friends
In low places
Where the whiskey drowns
And the beer chases
My blues away
And I’ll be okay.
Some Fakegate cartoons. Click to enlarge. If you find more, contact us and we’ll post them!
Something to keep in mind.
Top Ten Things Heartland Institute Will Do With $6.4 Million in Funding (Courtesy of WendyMcElroy.com)
10. Build a secret oil-powered nuclear-powered coal-powered lair on a South Pacific Island.
9. Arrange Arctic polar-bear hunting expeditions for wealthy contributors. With bazookas for top donors.
8. Train an armada of millions of kamikaze pigeons to fly into wind turbines, gumming up the works.
7. Replace Mitt Romney with a remote-controlled animatronic robot. Oh wait, that’s been done.
6. Exploit our Microsoft connection to install mind-controlling stroboscopic subliminal video messages in Windows Phone 7. People do use Windows Phone 7, don’t they?
5. Create the “Happy Children Fund” to provide subsidized tobacco products to pre-teens. Better yet, put it in their school lunches.
4. Genetically engineer a breed of SuperFlatulenttm cattle to emit a Gaia-destroying flood of methane into the atmosphere.
3. Re-train the armada of pigeons to defecate on solar panels. Maybe do this before #8.
2. Hijack a nuclear warhead and hold the world to ransom for one million dollars!
1. Send an obviously faked-up memo to DeSmogBlog to make them look ridiculous. Oh wait…
What but Oliver! can do “Fakegate” justice? Unfortunately, there’s no way to write this song without many inside jokes, so do consult the footnotes if you’re new to this scandal. (Courtesy of WendyMcElroy.com)
Reviewing the Situation
(from Oliver! – lyrics, YouTube)
A Genius1 of my magnitude
Can have a sublime attitude
So when Heartland invites me to speak at their annual feed,
I’m asking myself can this be an exposure I need
I’m reviewing the situation
Should I go and take part in their wee debate?
There will be some remuneration
And a chance to insult people that I hate
Their ignorance I will attack
With plenty of consensus facts
Then someone will get equal time
With facts that sound as good as mine
That Taylor2 is a scheming cad
He’ll rig it so that I look bad
I think I’d better think it out again!
Their welcome, it’s now plain to see
Was designed to bring shame to me
For this insult to my dignity they must be made to pay
But I must undermine them in the most effective way
I’m reviewing the situation
I will see what secrets I can quickly phish
With a simple impersonation
Hidden memos I will get their staff to dish
A gmail from a man of fame
Will bring me budgets, plans, and names
‘Til man of fame shows up to chat
And says that he sent none of that
The emails they will trace to me
My hoax will bring disgrace to me
I think I’d better think it out again!
So what’s in these files, anyway?
Boring details, anyway.
There’s no oil-funded smoking gun pointing to conspiracy,
For this leak to be sexy, the sexing will be up to me.
I’m reviewing the situation
What inventions will my audience absorb?
Anti-science indoctrination!
And they want to keep my writing out of Forbes3
With commas and parentheses4
I’ll add my crafty syntheses
Their fiendish plan I will spell out
So there cannot be any doubt
‘Til Megan5 calls it comic-book
And Mosher6 takes a careful look
I think I’d better think it out again!
How quickly they suspected me
Nothing has protected me
All my collegaues have offered to publish my earnest denial,
But a pretense like that can be only maintained a short while
I’m reviewing the situation
Dare I try to stall or should I now come clean?
Noble martyr, for our salvation
Or a victim of a dirty sneaking scheme?
The lawyers I must now call in
And someone to control the spin7
Do I reveal the whole of it
Or just hang out a little bit
From N C S E I’ll resign8
Curricula I won’t design
My ethics gig9 I’ll surely lose
And what if Heartland goes and sues?
I think I’d better think it out again!
Notes
1. Gleick is a recipient of the MacArthur Foundation “Genius” award.
2. James Taylor, a fellow of the Heartland Institute, writes a column for Forbes.
3. Gleick also writes for Forbes, often in opposition to Taylor, and yes, this claim was in the faked memo.
4. Gleick’s idiosyncratic use of commas and parentheses was one of the clues that pointed to him as the likely author of the faked memo.
5. Megan McArdle, who referred to the writing in the memo as that of a comic-book villain.
6. Steven Mosher, the first to suggest Gleick as a likely author, based on analysis of writing style.
7. Gleick has retained Chris Lehane, “a top Democratic operative and crisis manager,” and high-powered lawyer John Keker, who may be remembered as the man who defended Enron’s CFO.
8. Gleick resigned from the board of directors of The National Center for Science Education, where he was to advise on a climate change curriculum for schools.
9. Gleick resigned from his position as Chairman of the American Geophysical Union Task Force on Scientific Ethics.
A recasting Gleick’s refusal of a polite invitation to debate climate science at Heartland’s 2012 benefit dinner by Keith DeHavelle, posted in the comments at Climate Audit.
LAKELY:
I pray thee, gentle Peter, speak to us:
Our ears are much enamoured of debate
So is my heart inclined to this shape
And for fair hearing’s force perforce we’d move you
On the next show to say how fair we’d treat thee
PETER:
Methinks, Heartland, you should have little reason
for that, and yet won’t say the truth: Heartland
and truth keep little company togetehr now-a-days; the
more the pity that your list of donors will not
see the light.
(Nay, but I can Gleick them in some fashion)
LAKELY:
Thou are wise if thou would reconsider.
PETER:
Not so, never.
(But if I have wit enough to get out
your own docs, I’ll have enouugh to serve my own turn.)
LAKELY:
Out of this offer do not desire to go:
Thou should entrain us, whether thou wilt or no.
We’re a foundation of no common rate
And knowledge of all stripe would fill our plate.
And we would hear thee, therefore come and see
Go talk to Denning who preceded thee
And he did fetch reception from our keep
And fine debate he pressed with no lost sleep
And I will promise that no harshness go
For we live on a lively to-and-fro!
PETER (donning disguise like an ass):
I pray you, amend me to your board emails, your
minutes, and your donor list, your plans. Good
Mister Staffperson, I shall desire you of more
acquaintance too. The docs, I beseech you, sir!
===|==============/ Keith DeHavelle
This isn’t exactly “fun stuff,” but we wanted to make sure the statements by General Motors CEO Dan Akerson about The Heartland Institute and his belief in global warming was saved for posterity. From a March 8, 2012 interview by Climate One Founder Gred Dalton: